Hi there again.
There have been a few changes in the past 3 weeks since I was told to stop my medication. First 2 weeks weren't fun. This week was.....different? It's like my entire outlook on life has changed, shifted in a way, from the misty lands with dark clouds to more that of a cloudless mountaintop.
This week we had a 2 monthly meeting with all of the organisations supporting my little familiy. For the first time ever I spoke more then 2 sentences, sat upright, enjoyed elaborating how I had taken the girls to the village to return our library books, and when we had done that, just sat down in the corner, both girls on my lap, and they kept giving me books to read to them. It was the most pleasurable moment I've had with my girls in what feels like ages. 2 councellors sat there with open mouths of amazement, my mom sat there almost crying that her son was back after 6 long years and I seem to have baffled everyone else (including myself).
I've taken these pills for 6 long years and never, ever again. I don't want to be like that anymore. If I feel a bit down, I'll get over it on my own terms. My depression? I'll fight that with my bare hands if I need to. I flat out refuse to go on the pills route again. I can fight this.
I've been sticking to the draw a line, clean that area rules every day now. I'm feeling now that I really can't stand clutter, and am much more active to clean up the little things around the house. I'm combining this with quality time with my girls, so I asked them if they wanted to do chores with me (which was greeted with enthusiastic cries of "Yes! Yes!") so I cleaned the gutters in the yard, and the girls both swept up the dirt into the bin. We then took a walk to the recycling centre to get rid of the glass....I carried, they put them in (mostly) the right holes. And then off for some groceries, it's a bit like herding cats with them at the shop, but they behaved really well, and when we got home Kim told me she was going to see a movie with her sister and her mom, if I would mind looking after the kids? :) After a tickle party untill they both had red cheeks, we all sat down to do some colouring. And the first time ever I gave them some potato chips (that they had picked themselves) and after that 30 minutes of telly and snoozing on the couch till Kim came back home.
I can safely say this has been my most enjoyable sunday in the 3 years that they have been born with nothing but daddy time. I'm really savouring the moments I have with them. And they apparently too, as Nikki cuddled up to me and almost fell asleep and Emma just hugged and kissed me out of nowhere.
I feel I'm getting better at not pissing off Kim too. She's in the loop about my finances, I tell her about every trade, sale and purchase, I hug her a lot, I'm doing my best to be understanding of her problems.
On top of all this, I actually did some hobby stuff tonight. Grabbed box 2 (3mm city) and built another Block.
Set my alarm clock to 22:00, and when that rang, cleared everything, cleaned it and now you can't see I did any hobby work. And I like it. I'll try again tomorrow and see how it goes. Might even be able to add 2 Blocks?
Feeling good. Hope you feel the same :)