Recent events have taught me, again, that life is too short to worry about everything (and accomplishes nothing). To quote Yoda, "Do or do not. There is no try."
Last week something happend to my wife that made me rush back home as fast as my scooter could carry me, only to walk into a house swarming with police and paramedics, and no kids, and a crying and screaming sister-in-law. I'm a "think of the worst, then it can only get better" kind of guy (coping mechanism from highschool) but the things my mind conjured up then really dug into the darkest part of my mind. Let's just say I could see headlines in the national papers, and leave it at that.
The wife is ok now, still shaken with a minor bruise on her forehead, she passed out from stress and hit her head against the wall, falling unconcious in the hallway, the kids are fine (it turned out they were at her fathers, thank God) and I even managed to fix the front door more or less (that the police kicked in). But I will never forget the 30 minute drive during which my thoughts became more troubled with every mile travelled, and the 15 minutes in which no one knew where my kids were, a real living hell. :(
So, what does this have to do with my hobby? Well, I need my hobby. I need my hobby badly. I work 40+ hours a week, do most of the work with the kids in the weekend to relieve the wife, and when she is not feeling well (which is rather often these days) I cook, clean and take the kids to bed, before going downstairs and taking care of her with a chat, a cuddle and a hot cup of tea. But with all of that time helping others I need to relieve the days stress by doing things for me, myself and I. And that is were the hobby comes in. I don't go out, don't partcularly like television and never made new friends here since moving in 3 years ago so can't just hang out for an hour or so, and most people who I call good mates are usually not even in Holland anyway and only available online. So hobby time it is.
I surf, I read, I watch tutorials, I learn and if I stay up late enough I buy stuff too (which I shouldn't), all centered around the hobby. And after a hour or 2-3 I'm fully relaxed, full of ideas and am usually asleep minutes after my head hits the pillow.
After the event with my wife I spent a lot more time behind the pc, speaking in detail to a few of you, and looking at what I want to do Hobby wise. What I really want to do.
Turns out, I'm mostly already doing what I want to do. I want to play games with local friends (Mordheim, Inquisitor and Necromunda) and get to know new gamer ones (working on it, want to visit the wargamesclub Glory soon). I want to expand my German army and build a British army, but feel i have enough time for that once I get back into painting, so no rush. I really, really want to paint again (it has been over 18 months now) but I will not untill I cleared most of the for sale stuff from my desk and actually have the space again to move freely. I want to get back into converting a lot of things (bring on the Tau) and making and painting quirky stuff (Objectives!). I need to stop worrying about scenery and scales. Yes, the bigger ones take up more room, but you need less of it as I will be skirmishing mostly. And scenery will be stored in the attic, as promised to my wife. Cause there will be space when I sell more of the things I will never game with, like all of my Epic and stuff. In light of this I have told myself to buy a second hand (but still packed) 15mm AK-47 army off The Lead Adventure Forum as soon as I have sold enough stuff to finance it. And then, other then maybe a tool or paint, I'm done with buying stuff for a while. I know I will keep an eye on second hand stuff, but if I want to expand what I have I can use what I have in stock or buy second hand stuff.
And what I really should do, and I know this sounds corny, is to have more fun. Paint what I like not because the army list demands it, but because I will enjoy doing it. Painting is a great way to have fun without spending money (bonus!)
Time for bed.