donderdag 17 september 2015

Welcome to the wonderful (and expensive) world of 28mm AWI CANCELLED

Well, that is it then.

After a year of selling off stuff, slowly building back to be able to paint and game again, and making plans, Kim (after much pushing of her best mate) put her foot down last night and proclaimed the attic must be cleared of all excess stuff pronto and I'm not allowed to buy anything anymore for quite some time. Else there would be consequences for our relationship. Her friend had gotten pretty mad at me for...well, various reasons, and pushed her into acting, for our mutual benefit.

Where I come from this is called emotional blackmail, she said it was in my best interest.

Always trying to avoid problems, I cancelled all trades planned for this and other projects, but spent a lot of time and today thinking about this. Is this really fair? Ok, I have a lot of stuff, and stuff needs to be sold, but I have sold over 2K of stuff in the last year. Does this show? No, of course not, it is all about miniatures...small things. I have a steady rythem of selling and a good thought process if I want to buy things (only current projects, only if I start them within a year, only from funds from sold items). I've made vast improvements to my hobby room. I'm actually looking forward to painting and playing again. It was Kim who told me I should get out more, which is what shows and the AWI project are all about. Or maybe I'm just being dense here, but being told to sell 3/4 of my stuff feels to me like a random figure of someone who has no grasp to what this hobby really is.

Collecting, painting and gaming.

As far as anyone I know or talk to, they all have quite a bit of space, shelving or attic devoted to the storage of their hobby. And it is not like having to sell 3/4's of it will me stop me wanting to buy new things, or go to cons, or learn new games and have evenings of fun with likeminded individuals. At least I hope not.

For some reason or other telling her this hobby is a big part of me and is the one last thing (next to my girls) that keeps me sane and gives me a good reason to get out of bed each day seems to be falling on deaf ears. It actually does with 9/10 of our combined family. Back in college many people were amazed I had the patience to paint such small things, now all I hear are things like "waste of money", "childish" and more comments like that. Not being helped by the fact the room is messy, and the attic does have a lot of stuff in it, and all my painted stuff that people used to wow about is stored in drawers cause I want to keep them safe. So you dont see what is going on in this room.

But threatening to do something about our relationship while we have 2 kids to raise made me snap somewhere in the middle of the night. To have the balls to say something tells me how detatched she is from our mutual reality. Or as Piers said, i should help her pack her things so she can leave. Nobody messes with my hobby. I never tolerated it from previous girlfriends, why would I tolerate it now? Well, because we have kids, and I go out of my way to avoid problems really, I've been bending over backwards for a solid year not to get on her bad side.

Having said that, I say, fuck it. Sales are good at the moment and I will list much more in the coming month. I'll grab a nice share of that for Crisis and have fun one last time this year, and buy what is on the list and maybe a few thinsg that fancy me, and put the rest back into my account for another day. I'll keep clearing stuff at my speed. I work all do, come home to cook and do chores, and have a few hours a night to myself. if I can't even have that, then what's the point?

So, no big group project for me. I can live with that.
No more purchases for some time. Fine, so be it.
No more hobby? Over my dead body.

7 opmerkingen:

  1. I feel for you, kind of doing the same thing myself with local sales of some of my old stuff. With the dog sick, work paying next to nothing and hunting for a new home. I have had to put a halt on a lot of my hobby projects.
    At least my GF knows, about my hobby and even takes part in the odd board game from time to time. But I do have to much stuff and its really taking over the house. Combine that and my library of books, I could probably open up a shop!
    But hang in there man, as things get better with life, money and work. She will come to realize that us men never grow up. We all have are toys, whether its cars, boats, motorcycles etc. And she will ease up.
    I watch many of my friends in town blow there money on "grown up" hobbies all the time, and they are just as broke as me so its all what your poison is.

  2. She presumably doesn't know enough about your stuff to identify if you've got shot of two thirds of it - keep going at your own speed, move some stuff around occasionally to give the impression of industry, and focus on making your relationship better by cuddling rather than selling your hobby stuff...

    My wife is reading this over my shoulder, so I have to give a disclaimer that ladies are always right and we are dumb dumbs for buying little men (that should cover me)

  3. Where on Earth does your wife's friend think she got the right to interfere in your relationship and the running of your household together!?!
    It seems to me, from the way you describe it, that "friend" is using your wife to act out her own grievances with you, through her. Which, in my eyes, makes her a hazard to both your and your wife's (mental) well-being.
    She probably convinces/justifies herself that she is acting in your wife's "best interest" but making you more miserable will not make Kim feel better!
    Seems the deal is easy, sure, you get rid of some of your (unused) hobby stuff, she gets rid of a certain "friend"...
    (Sorry, not my usual mild-natured response, but I care about you both and this sort of destructive interference pissed me off something fierce.)

    Maybe you (both) have been focusing too much on taking care of each other rather than caring for each other? When the going is hard it's an easy trap to fall into survival mode and "fixing" problems/each other and to forget to pay attention to each other and what made you love one another in the first place.
    Perhaps it is a good idea to spend some time together, apart from others, and reconnect, so you can stand together, rather than apart? Seal the cracks so there is no room for a certain wedge...

  4. I have just started in the hobby, and my wife thinks it is endearing, giving me a "boyish charm" I think. But even with that support, I have proactively really constrained myself. I try to keep it easily packed away and modular and have more than once checked myself from going off on an unrealistic project. I would point out that it IS a hobby where she knows where you are at least!! Certainly better than bar hopping or golf. Good luck.

  5. That sounds really bad.
    My wife actually support me in painting and playing, as long as I clean up afterwards. Nevertheless, my hobbycorner is a mess, something she, together with my bad collecting habit, often frowns upon.
    Apart from hobbies, chores, children and work we have one saturday night going out together to have some quality time together and talk things through over a meal.
    You both went through a rough time, perhaps having a day together will clear a lot of the bad air.

  6. Deze link kan misschien helpen:

    1. Dat was een interessant stukje om te lezen. Geven en nemen inderdaad :)