woensdag 24 augustus 2016

And then we try something new....Part II

Well, it have been some eventful days to say the least.

First up, the PC table is clean (all of it) the floor is clean (all of it) and I will be starting with the rest of the room this week. I've picked up a stack of waste wood from the DIY to build a stand for my monitor in which I can store stuff that belongs to the PC area. I just need to make a  design that works with what I have. So far so good.

Not so good was a angry call from the UWV (the non-government body that handles benefits for the sick) yesterday when I had just loaded the wood in the carrier bags of my bike. The man was upset that I had not called him between 9 and 9:30 as those are his open hours. (I called the day before and this day at 10, and no one at the departmeet bothered to pick up the phone and tell me this). I told him that the letter he sent me mentioned no such thing, only to call a 0900 number.

Anyway, how was my knee feeling? I'm more mobile now but it hurts a lot more cause the UWV doctor has forbidden me from taking painkillers. "So a large improvement then?" That is NOT what I said..... "Well, it sounds like a large improvement so I will note that down." (ehm...hello....wtf?). "Is there anything else we can help you with, a meeting or help trying to find a job?" Yes, there is. The UWV doctor has sent you papers for Werkmans, a group that helps autistic people with high IQ's find fitting jobs. "Well, I can't find those, but why would we help you with that? You are sick because of the accident, not because you are autistic."I'll ask my boss but I don't see why we would have to help with this" <floor falling underneath me> <speechless> "Do you have anything else to report?" Yes, my depression is pretty bad right now, I'm sleeping through most of my days and am only active in the evenings. I'm seeing a Psychiatrist this afternoon. "And how often will that be?" Once a month? "Ok, thank you, I will call again in 1-2 weeks, goodbye".

I'm standing there completely baffled with my phone in my hand for a minute or so. Then get on my bike, and my chain snaps. 27 degrees outside, 30 minute walk to my home with a bike loaded with wood and I have to catch a train to see the Psychiatrist in 60 minutes from now. Fuck :(

I'm not sure how I got home, I'm not even sure how I got to the trainstation, but by the time I got out of the train I was seething inside. Only to find a Fair going on there and the place was packed. And....I....can't....stand....crowds. Or heat. I just barged past everyone (aploagies who I bumped into) and went as fast as my knee would let me, to meet my appointment. Which was at 14:00. At 14:10 someone finally picked me up and I was limping badly all the way as I had really overstressed my knee.

Now in my head I had mixed up what a Psychiatrist does and what a Psychologist does. I've been dying for months to get things off my chest, to just let it go, and I thought it was this meeting. Turns out it was just about my medication.

8 Minutes later I'm out the door, my medication has been stopped effective immediately and come back again in 5 weeks time. If there is any kind of problem call the hospital. No one is available for over a month due to holiday.

I left the ACed building only to be slapped by the hot air and the realisation that this is it. I've been on these meds for over 6 years now, and this was the first time any doctor told me that Risperidon actually makes it easier to get into a depression. This is my third one in 5 years! I went back home, picked up the kids, made them pancakes and my wife took them to my parents for the rest of the week. I just took a sleeping pill and that was that.

It has now been 48hrs without medication. I've stuffed tissue paper in my ears to muffle the sounds, closed the blinds and locked myself into my hobby room to manage the input that is flooding me right now. I'm shaking like a leaf and typing is a bit hard but not impossible. It is something I need to get over I suppose.

I don't think I'll do any hobby stuff today...I'm dying to grab the box of 3mm buildings and build more but in my current state holding a sharp blade might not be the best idea!

Edit: Not too end to depressingly, here's what arrived today for my Frostgave table! That cheered me up! 15 euros plus shipping on Marktplaats. Looks as good as new (had one, got stolen off my table 20 years ago when I was out on my lunchbreak)

10 opmerkingen:

  1. Eventful days indeed...
    If you want to talk about stuff we could catch up via email or something?

    1. I'd love to. Gunbird20mm (AT) gmail (DOT) com

    2. Cool, I've put you in contacts. Maybe we could do voice chat over google, or email is fine.

  2. Holy fu... Wow. I'm at a loss for words. Sometimes I think the UWV may be in conflict with the Geneva Convention.
    Sorry to hear the med withdrawal is hitting you so hard, wish I wasn't away right now. I'll see you when I get back.

    1. Yes, it's not as bad as it sounds...I think? But it is pretty disorienting and I'm going from extremely happy, almost childish behaviour to being very serious in nanoseconds, and back again. I'm staying in my room for a few more days, that's for sure.

    2. Yeah, that's as bad as it sounds... Looking at your more recent post it does seem to be evening out a bit?
      Retreating to a safe zone looks like a sensible move, at least until your body and mind readjust to the new situation.

  3. That sounds really bad.
    I'm not specialist, but it sounds like the sudden withdrawal from the mediation without back-up wasn't really thought through.
    Another drawback, ... I can only imagine how you must feel and wish you get better soon.
    I can only offer another ear in case you need it. Best of luck!

    1. Thx Wouter. I'm hoping it is just a few more days before everything kickstarts back into self regulation....good or bad :) It is really annoying not being able to focus on anything then more than a second or 2. I'm looking forward to seeing you for the BFG batlle with Erik in a couple of weeks.

    2. Cold turkey is oddly named as it's often a hot mess...
      Glad to know you'll be there! :)

    3. Very happy to hear you decided to join us.
      I look forward to it as well.
      My friend Bram will be attending too, I guess he will be fielding his Slaanesh Chaos fleet.
      The only problem right now seems to find a suitable location.